Next week both of my daughters will be a plane ride away for the first time. If you follow this blog you know that my oldest is now a college graduate and my youngest is about to start her junior year. So it has been a while since both girls were living at home, but with one in Boston and one in NYC, it was comforting to know that both places were relatively easy to drive to. Flying to Boston could be a nice alternative, but after doing it a few times, I didn’t mind the 6-7 hour drive at all. As you have also heard me say before, I love being the mom of adult kids and seeing how their lives evolve. They have both done amazing things in their college careers and have impressed me countless times with how independent they are and how well they navigate the cities they live in or any city (or country) they travel to. I am very used to not seeing them every day, but could typically manage visits every couple of months or sometimes more often than that. The girls made good use of the train between Boston and NYC as well and were able to see each other fairly easily when they had time. I am thrilled that they remain so close. It was clear when they were much younger that they would always be best friends.💗

This is a bittersweet time. I am so proud of both of my daughters and so excited for these next chapters they are about to begin. Realizing that these chapters will take them places which are no longer a drive away is a little bit sad, but if you follow this blog, you also know that getting on a plane is a very routine thing for me and while it takes a little more planning, I will still be able to visit both of them. I am very confident that they both have the skills they need to succeed which makes transitions like these much less worrisome. As a parent, there is no way not to worry a little about your kids even when they are adults, but when you have witnessed them be responsible and be able to take care of themselves, it is extremely reassuring. I know they will be fine and most certainly don’t need me or my parents anymore, at least not in the same ways they used to. This means we did our job well! I was so fortunate to have the help and support of my parents while raising my daughters as a single working mom, and I think we are a good example of how something other than the traditional nuclear family can work very well  There are many variations of family units, so there is not one right or wrong way to raise kids. However, it is critical to ensure: love, support, values, guidance, boundaries and then ultimately freedom. With this, you can raise kind, responsible humans!

So, off they go! On the almost eve of her 22nd birthday, Danielle packed her car to the brim and is headed west! She will be in Iowa for the next two years with her boyfriend. They both have great jobs and will be exploring a new place together. I am so proud of her for taking the leap into the unknown. My city girl has a strong desire to experience living in different regions of this country, and while I think the midwest will not go beyond these two years, hopefully she will enjoy it. My guess is she will ultimately want to call the Northeast home again at some point in future, but we’ll see…🤷🏻‍♀️ Looking forward to doing the 15 hour road trip (just this one time 😉) in a couple of weeks to bring her everything she could not fit in her very skillfully packed MINI Cooper!

Then on Monday (which is Danielle’s 22nd birthday), I will drive Kayla to the airport in NYC to leave for her semester abroad in London at NYU’s fashion program. She will then celebrate her 20th birthday one week later, no doubt in some fabulous place with her friends.🎊 This was her first choice program, so she is very excited, and I am so excited for her! She will be able to explore a new country and travel to others on the weekends. We have traveled to several countries in Europe, so  I know she is comfortable navigating her way around, which makes the transition easier for all of us.  Also, it’s just a semester, and I will take the “trip across the pond” ✈️ in October for a long weekend which will be a lot of fun. Danielle will get to visit her first in just a few weeks before she starts her job. The sisters will “Do London”!!🇬🇧

I may sound like a broken record at times going on about how much I enjoy this phase of parenting. I will miss my daughters, but I know they are fine, and they are living their lives to the fullest which is exactly what a mother wants to see. My busy career still occupies a lot of my time, and while is was a challenge to balance it all over the years, it is something I still have now as my kids move on. I have also been fortunate enough to find my passion with ballroom dance which fills a wonderful space in my life. Being busy and having things to do as well as some wonderful friends and my family nearby, makes all the difference in the world. My life is very full, and while my daughters have the biggest piece of my heart always, I am so happy to watch them leave the nest and truly soar!

My advice: raise them right and let them go…they will always find their way back, and you will have an amazing relationship with your adult kids😊

Deciding to go back to work after maternity leave can be downright nerve wracking. Some moms may decide to stay at home and others will decide to go back to work, either because, financially they don’t have a choice, or they don’t want to give up the career they spent the first part of their lives developing. No matter what choice a mother makes, it’s so important to support them as their friends, family, and coworkers. 

My career in vascular surgery was something I was definitely not giving up at the time. I was untraditional in a few ways. I went back early (after 7-weeks) and I chose not to breastfeed. I went back earlier because I had post-partum depression and I needed the part of my life that I felt defined me. Having zero control with a baby, it was a comfort to feel I had control over some aspect of my life. I chose not to breastfeed because I didn’t want to feel uncomfortable during the potentially long surgeries I was involved in. It was also helpful for me to have her dad help with the midnight feedings too. I have zero regret for going back to work and I have zero regret for not breastfeeding. Luckily for me I had an extremely supportive family and a mom that encouraged me to do what I needed for me. If you make the decision to pump while at work, make sure it is understood by your employer that it is your legal right to have a private, clean, and comfortable place to do so…. and this does NOT mean a bathroom.  I also chose to have an elective c-section. I had no desire to be in labor and I did it my way. I don’t feel any less of a mom having made all of those decisions. I am lucky to say I had a wonderful pregnancy, a beautiful delivery surrounded by my work family, and an easy surgical recovery. That being said, this is not a one-size-fits-all scenario. Every mom needs the space to breathe without feeling judged. Any mother that ignorantly judges another mother for her parenting decisions better make sure they are perfect in every way before judging anyone else. 

Here are some things that certainly helped me transition back into the work force after delivering my daughter:

1) Childcare: We were blessed to hire in-home care. I hate the term “nanny”. To me it sounds arrogant and elitist, and to be honest, some childcare centers are just as expensive. Our Sarah, who Maggie lovingly re-named “Yaya”, became family. We had her start a couple weeks before I went back to work, so the transition wouldn’t be so dramatic on that first day. If you opt for childcare out of the home, consider doing this as well. Maybe start 1-2 days per week prior so both you and baby are comfortable with the new routine. After 3 years our Yaya decided to start a family of her own and we also felt it was a good time to introduce Maggie to a traditional day care setting for more socialization. Now at age 13, we still see Yaya and her daughters, and Maggie is still the best of friends with some of the little ones she first met at age 3. 

2) Be kind to yourself. Buy a new outfit, get a new haircut, or get a mani-pedi. Even just having time to do an in-home face mask, taking a bath, or painting your own nails can be relaxing. 

3) Organize. Organize. Organize. I can’t stress this enough. Lay out your clothes the night before, pre-pack your lunches, and on Sunday nights, prepare your week’s meal-plans in advance. If you are pumping/breast-feeding, make sure all of your supplies are in the bag and ready to go for the next day. Get your briefcase/work bag together and get a shower the night before. All of these things will help you save time and allow you to spend some quality moments with the little ones before you head out to work. 

4) Take it slow: I was also lucky enough to ease back into the work week. I initially went back 3-days/per week, then after a couple of months, I went back 4-days/week (having every Wednesday off until Maggie went to kindergarten). I will always be so grateful for those Wednesdays. We always planned outings: into the city, to the beach, museums, aquariums, the zoo, and even fun restaurants. I do attribute her comfort and good behavior in these places to the early exposure. 

If you don’t have the option to go back part-time, then look at it as “time warping back to pre-delivery”.  It may be more difficult, but you aren’t lowering any expectations by returning to the career you had before at full speed.

5) Managing the anxiety. According to pediatrician Dr. Ian Paul from Penn State College of Medicine, 17% of new post-partum mothers suffer with anxiety. I had thoughts like: Am I going to trip and drop her? Am I going to get into a car accident?  Is she going to cry uncontrollably in the grocery store? Many of these feelings are normal and expected, especially the first few months after delivery with all of the circulating hormones. Once I was given the clearance to exercise again, I started running. It was so essential in managing my stress. If you hate running, try any form of exercise that appeals to you. Swimming, biking, hiking, or even try one of the million workout videos you can find online (everything from dancing, boxing, yoga, and weightlifting). As they get older, include them in your exercise or sports routine.

6) Managing all of the advice you WILL be offered before and after the delivery: You will be offered more advice during this time, than any other time in your life. “Don’t do this….. Don’t do that……”. What’s important here is that you not let people’s opinions stress you out. What works for some may not work for others. Just smile, gracefully tuck away the tidbits that seem helpful to you, and if not, you can quietly say in your head……. 

7) Carve out dedicated time to spend with your little one. It is definitely easier to do before they are mobile. Once they are talking and walking, it’s especially important for their self-esteem. You may not want to play whatever they choose but make it a point to let them know their interests matter too. Take at least 20 minutes every day and play whatever it is they want to play. Remember, they may not have wanted to go to that one restaurant they were expected to sit and behave in for 2-hours straight.  It will develop their self-esteem and make them feel valued, even from a very young age. Maggs always loved cooking, and still does. We signed up for various cooking classes, which we both have enjoyed over the years. Something else important to us was reading. We always had wonderful books before bedtime and naps. 

8) Give yourself some slack. Not everything will go smoothly no matter how well organized you are. Try to set back-up plans for work and childcare. Lay out all expectations in advance with your family, friends, and employers. Most importantly, make sure you can have down time to unwind and destress. Whether it’s with a book and a cup of chamomile tea or a Netflix movie and a glass of wine, we all function better after a break. 

Hopefully these tips will help ease the stress of returning to work post-partum and remember to keep in close contact with your OB-GYN, pediatrician, and/or primary care provider if there are any signs of severe post-partum depression. The time goes by so fast. Try to embrace even the small things. Before you know it, they will have their own children and you will be able to say you remember the growing pains with love.

Xoxo -Lisa

Our ancestors drank beer, wine, and mead. They have been for 9000+ years. No one is certain, but it’s likely that barley got wet (and fermented), grape juice sat too long (and fermented), and water sweetened with honey, sat too long (and fermented). My guess is the folks who tried this stuff were kind of like us… smelling the expired milk container to see if it smells bad…. if it doesn’t smell bad then some of us taste it if we are desperate enough to need it for our morning coffee, or our kids bowl of cereal before school…… then, when it tastes ok, we sigh in relief. In their case, they got tipsy and kept making the stuff. At any rate, humans aren’t the only ones with a penchant for imbibing….

Swarms of Cedar Waxwings, which eat berries that are sometimes overripe and partially fermented, have been known to crash into home windows in droves. They swarm in groups and often dive together. It’s like that saying my mom used, “If Becky jumped off of a bridge, would you too?” Well… maybe…. these guys did. In 2018, Minnesota Residents called the police on these rowdy birds. The police did not assist with these complaints, but they did say to call back if the birds decided to operate heavy machinery in an unsafe manner…… 

In the rain forests of Malaysia lives the Pen-Tailed Tree Shrew, a small rodent no bigger than your average mouse, which feasts every night on fermented palm nectar. They booze it up for 2 hours each night. 

Tropical bats from both Central and South America have been observed to regularly eat fermented fruits and nectar; however they are found to rarely feel the effects of the alcohol. Bats navigate during flight through the use of echolocation. It was found that when they had a blood alcohol content of 0.3% (bear in mind all states in America require a driver to have a blood alcohol content less than 0.08%) they were still able to navigate a tricky obstacle course using their echolocation. They also did not slur their words or holler angry words of angst at their friends or loved ones……..

Bees are known to get drunk from fermented nectar, and when drunk are very dangerous flyers, often causing accidents. It has been observed that the ones that actually make it home can often be blocked from entering the hive until they sober up. The queen bee doesn’t mess around…..

And finally, on the Caribbean island of St. Kitts there lives a population of wild Green Vervet Monkeys that are notorious alcoholics! They are known for stealing the tourist beverages….. A study conducted on these monkeys found that, much like us humans, the monkeys tend to split into four different categories of drinker: social drinker, steady drinker, binge drinker, and teetotaler. Most of the monkeys are social drinkers who tend to only have a moderate tipple with other monkeys, although never before lunch. 12% are steady drinkers who enjoy more than their social drinking friends, 5% are excessive boozy binge drinkers, and only a small fraction are teetotal. Those 5% that are classed as binge drinkers are notorious for stumbling about, vomiting, starting fights and binge eating until they pass out whilst under the influence! The same study also found that juvenile monkeys drink more than adults and all of the monkeys much prefer a fruity cocktail……this study just left me speechless……

So, whatever your drink of choice, do it in moderation. Studies have shown a glass of red wine per day has cardiac benefits. Beyond that, those benefits drop and your risk of heart disease and cancer rise……did they ever say how large that glass could be?? (wink)

Saluti!

Xoxo -Lisa